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Monday, May 24, 2010

Oh, The Mistakes You’ve made

Part One in what is probably a never ending series: Long boarding.
Who was I kidding? A long, grace-less, eastcoaster on thin wood with wheels meant for big hills. Was it fun? sorta. I guess it was an acceptable pastime for bored suburbs kids in the town of Weedham. (Actually Needham, get it ? get it? Do you see what they did there?) I had many spills leading up to the coup de gras, the career-ender. It was a warm spring afternoon in an affluent private community in Westwood Massachusetts. After many close calls in the neighborhood on other hills, it was time for the last hill. The big daddy hill, the Aggrocrag if you will. Me and experienced long boarding friend started down it. It was huge. Who was I KIDDINNGGG? I sucked at longboarding. Here goes nothing. Speed speed- blur of grass-speed wobble wobble wobble- shit. Board hits wheel. Board immediately stops. I fly. Not like R. Kelly Fly, like awkward white kid digger fly.

Face hits the pavement first, followed by my body- dragged along for the ride. Face then elbows then hips then knees. Then slow slow stop. blood blood blood. Did my teeth just break? (No thank god)

I burned a circle of the cudoroy pants I was wearing in to my knee. Then I went to my lifeguarding job at an old folks home later that day. Covered in blood. I am an asshole.

Neil Young just played around here. I wish I had seen it, but for 200 dollars, naw i'm good.
I wouldn't pay 200 dollars to see Jesus titty-fuck a chick live in concert with a supergroup backing band of The Beatles and Led Zeppelin with Buddha on Bongos and Mohamed on lap steel. (lazer light show provided by Vishnu and guest appearances by T-Pain, Stevie Nicks, Jimi Hendrix, Thom Yorke and others).

Wait, I probably would, ok . fine.

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